Truth or Dare
by CaramelApple74
Summary: The Cullens play Truth or Dare one family game night. Emmett paints his jeep, Jasper eats a sandwich, Renesmee runs someone over in a stolen car, Bella reveals something embarrassing , and Edward gets assistance from a pharmacist. ONE-SHOT. Originally part of a multiple chapter drabble fic, but I decided to make it into a one-shot.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or its characters, I just made the plot for this one-shot.**

It was Saturday night at the Cullen household, and that only meant one thing: Family Game Night.

Every Saturday night one of the Cullens would choose a slip of paper out of a hat that would be the game they played that night. The games would usually ended in disaster, but would be exceptionally fun nonetheless. Since they were all inhuman, the games were normally extreme versions of human games. Anything involving guessing was out of question though, because Edward and Alice always won those.

Tonight, the whole family-save for Jacob who was visiting his dad back in Washington-was gathered in the living room and sitting in a circle. It was Alice's turn to pick a slip of paper out of the designer hat she had bought a few years back. Everyone watched in anticipation as she reached into the hat, and right before she chose a piece of paper, a bright smile lit up her face.

"Perfect!" she squealed, then quickly pulled out the paper.

Edward tensed in his spot next to Bella. "No, we're not playing that. Pick something else."

"Edward, stop being such a spoil sport! The rules state that whatever I pick tonight is what we play," Alice huffed, sticking her tongue out at her brother.

Edward muttered something under his breath that made Bella smack him upside his head. He was silent after that.

"Okay, so we're playing truth or dare! I'm sure we all know the rules to it, but I'll go over them just in case. So, there will be a bottle in the middle of the circle, and I'll spin it first since I picked the game. Then whoever the bottle lands on has to choose truth or dare and do whatever I tell them to once they choose. That person will then spin the bottle, and whoever it lands on must then choose truth or dare, and so on. Everyone got it?" Alice asked, looking at her family expectantly.

All the Cullens nodded their heads in assent.

"Great! Now I'll be right back!" Alice chirped as she zoomed out of the room.

Alice returned a few minutes later with a green glass bottle that looked like it once contained some kind of alcohol, and set it down in the middle of the circle before taking her place next to Jasper.

"Where the hell did you get that?" Rosalie asked, raising an eyebrow at the object.

"It was one of Jacob's," Renesmee spat. She highly disapproved of Jacob's occasional drinking, but knew there was nothing in her power she could do to stop him.

Before anyone else could comment on the subject, Alice spun the bottle. It spun for a good thirty seconds or so before landing on Carlisle.

"Oh great," Carlisle sighed, preparing himself for whatever humiliation Alice was sure to inflict upon him.

"Carlisle! Truth or dare?" Alice asked, bouncing slightly in her seat.

"Truth," Carlisle said hesitantly.

"Who's your favorite out of me, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Edward, or Bella?"

"Alice," Carlisle said warningly, "I told you that I don't have a favorite child. Although, I do favor some of you sometimes, but not for more than a few hours."

"Then who's your favored person right now?"

"Not you."

Rosalie snickered as she watched Alice's face fall in disappointment.

"What?" Alice asked.

"I don't have a favorite right now, but if I did it wouldn't be you. I told you a thousand times not to ask me that question."

"But-but... but why not?!" Alice exclaimed, standing up from the ground.

"For the last time; because you asked the question I don't like answering. Now it's my turn to spin the bottle," Carlisle said calmly as he spun the object.

The bottle didn't take as long to stop spinning this time, and it landed on Esme.

"Truth or dare, my dear?" Carlisle asked his wife.

"Truth," Esme said, looking at Carlisle pleadingly.

Carlisle got the message and asked her an easy question. "Did you get the mail today?"

"Yes," Esme replied, looking greatly relieved.

"Hey, that's not fair! Why didn't you ask her a tough question?" Emmett asked, looking affronted.

"Because I know how to treat a woman," Carlisle snapped.

Emmett put his hands up in surrender as he watched Esme spin the bottle. It landed on Jasper.

"Truth or dare?" Esme asked.

Jasper thought for a moment before he chose his answer. "Dare."

"Okay..." Esme said, looking confused as to what to make him do.

"Oh, I know! Have him eat a sandwich," Rosalie said while grinning widely.

"Sure. Jasper, eat a sandwich."

Jasper looked horrified at his dare and frantically shook his head. "No, please, PLEASE just no!"

"Sorry Jazz, but a dare's a dare," Alice laughed as she sped off to the kitchen to make his sandwich.

Around a minute later Alice returned with a turkey sandwich on a plate. She set it on Jasper's lap, and he cringed away from it.

"You have to eat it," Edward said, finally looking amused.

Jasper looked at the sandwich in absolute disgust, and then cautiously picked it up and brought it to his mouth. Everyone was laughing at the look on his face as he took the first bite into it. Jasper chewed slowly for a second, but then his face screwed up in revulsion at the taste of it. He couldn't swallow the horrible thing that humans actually call 'food', and spit it out.

However, Jasper didn't just spit out the sandwich, he spit it across the circle and it hit Emmett in the forehead. Emmett immediately stopped laughing as the half chewed bit of food struck him in the face, and instantly became angry. The rest of the Cullens just laughed harder at this and watched the scene unfold before them.

Emmett lunged at Jasper and tackled him to the floor while pinning his arms above his head. He then took the discarded sandwich from the plate and repeatedly smacked Jasper in the face with it, causing lettuce and tomato to fly everywhere, before shoving the whole thing in Jasper's mouth.

"You damn idiot! EWWW!" Emmett yelled as he ran off, presumably to wash the sandwich off his face.

Jasper jumped up from the floor as soon as Emmett got off of him, and darted to the kitchen to spit the sandwich into the trash can this time. The Cullens were laughing so hard that it was a good thing they didn't need oxygen, because if they did, they wouldn't be able to breathe.

When Emmett and Jasper returned, the Cullens resumed the game. Jasper spun the bottle, and it landed on Bella.

"Bellllla," Jasper said, dragging out her name. "Truth or dare?"

"Ummm, truth?" Bella squeaked.

"Name all the places in the house that you an Edward here have done the dirty."

If Bella were still human she would have blushed eighty-five shades of red. She looked to Edward helplessly, but Edward looked just as horrified as her.

"I really don't think you want to know that," Edward said, finding particular interest in the wall next to him.

"Of course we do. Now spill," Jasper replied, smiling so wide that it was a wonder his face didn't split open.

"La la la la la, I'm not listening, la la la la la," Renesmee sang loudly while covering her ears.

"Well, umm, there was our bedroom," Bella started awkwardly. "And on top of the piano, on the kitchen counters, the coffee table, the stairs, on the couch, and the back of Edward's car. Oh, and uh, in your office upstairs, Carlisle."

"My office!" Carlisle screeched.

"My sofa and coffee table?" Esme asked, glancing at her furniture skeptically.

"Damn, how did you guys fit on the coffee table?" Rosalie questioned, looking impressed.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better Esme, Rose and I did it in your and Carlisle's bed and the front seats of his car," Emmett supplied.

"You what?" Carlisle bellowed. "What is wrong with all of you?

"We have many issues, Carlisle," Alice said, still laughing.

"Edward and Bella, you're buying new furniture tomorrow, and Emmett and Rosalie, you're buying me a new car. I'm not keeping that stuff anymore."

"Sure, sure, whatever," Emmett said, waving offhandedly.

Bella spun the bottle and it landed on Emmett.

"Emmett, truth or dare?" Bella asked.

"Dare!" Emmett said excitedly.

"I dare you to spray paint your jeep hot pink with neon blue stripes. And a green peace sign on the hood."

Emmett's jaw went slack, and he looked shocked at Bella. "You're kidding, right?"

"I'm serious, now get painting," Bella smiled.

The whole family went to the garage to watch Emmett paint his beloved jeep. Emmett sulked as he grabbed the paint from a cabinet, and reluctantly began to paint his car.

"Please Bella, I don't want to do this!" he pleaded.

"You chose dare, and this is what you get. Stop whining," Bella replied as she leaned against a work bench to watch Emmett paint.

Emmett painted his jeep according to how Bella told him too, and the end product made him want to break down and cry. His jeep looked like some frilly, creepy, hippie mess. It was a disaster, and all Bella's fault. "I'm getting you back for this." Emmett told Bella solemnly. "Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow or even the next day, but I'm getting you back for this when you least expect it."

"I'd like to see you try," Bella replied coolly.

The Cullens went back into the house and watched as Emmett spun the bottle. The game was turning out bad already, and it was only a matter of time before something went terribly wrong. The bottle stopped on Edward, who groaned in frustration.

"Eddie my boy! Truth or dare?" Emmett asked cheerfully.

Edward read Emmett's mind, and found that it would be in his best interest not to choose truth. For if he did, Edward would have to say whether he would rather, as Emmett put it, 'tap' Esme or Alice. Edward didn't even want to think of things as awkward and revolting as that; Esme was like a mother to him, and Alice like a sister. So Edward chose dare.

"I dare you to go to the nearest store and ask a female clerk what size condoms she thinks you need," Emmett said smiling.

"No!" Edward shouted. "That's disgusting!"

"That's your dare."

Edward looked to Bella to find that she was actually laughing. How could she be laughing at a time like this? "Fine," he conceded. "But I'm not happy about this."

"That's fine with me, brother."

The Cullen family now went to the local Target store and hid around the corner as they watched Edward approach the woman working at the pharmacy. Edward couldn't remember feeling so embarrassed in his life, and it didn't help that he read Jasper's mind to find out that he was about to send waves of lust at him. What did he ever do in life to deserve this?

Edward felt the lust hit him forcefully, and he learned against the counter and cleared his throat loudly to catch the woman's attention. She turned around and was instantly dazzled by his appearance.

"C-c-can I-I help you, sir?" she stuttered.

"Yes, I believe you can," Edward said huskily as he gazed into her eyes. If he didn't fully believe it before, then he would have known now that he was damned.

"What can I get you?"

"What size condoms do you think I need?" he asked smoothly.

The pharmacist looked down at Edward, then looked back into his eyes. "I'm not sure. I'll need to make a very...thorough examination to find out."

Jasper started laughing, so the waves of lust he was sending at Edward were starting to go away since he wasn't able to focus on sending them. Edward noticed this and immediately snapped out of his state.

"Uh, never mind. I'll just go now," he said and hastily turned around to make a run for the exit.

"Wait, no!" the woman yelled and jumped over the counter to try and grab Edward.

"AHHH!" Edward screamed as he ran for the door to the store, the woman hot on his trail.

"That was priceless!" Rosalie choked out.

"Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen him so mortified before," Carlisle commented.

"Too bad nobody filmed it," Bella said sullenly.

"Actually, I did," Emmett stated, holding up a video camera.

"Save that and make sure Edward doesn't find it," Alice said. "We need something to keep as blackmail for him."

Everyone agreed and made their way back to the house where they found Edward sitting moodily on the floor. Suddenly, Carlisle's cell phone rang, and he answered it to find out that the hospital needed him to come in as soon as possible for an emergency surgery.

"I'll be back later guys. Make sure nobody gets arrested," he called as he exited the house and went to his car.

"Oh! We have an even number of players now, we should play in teams!" Alice chirped, jumping up and down and clapping her hands.

The remaining Cullens readily agreed, and soon the teams were made. It was Alice, Emmett, Edward, and Bella against Esme, Jasper, Rosalie, and Renesmee.

"Okay, since I'm the one who picked the game I feel that it's only fair that I go first once again. And we're only playing dares," Alice began. "So my team has decided that you guys will go to a car lot and take one of the display cars outside for a ride. You have to return it after an hour and try not to get caught!"

Esme felt reluctant to go along with this idea, but figured that it couldn't go too wrong, could it? No probably not.

Team two went to a car lot a few miles from their house, and Rosalie picked the lock from a car. They all got into the luxury sports vehicle, and then started to fight over where they should go. Renesmee was in the driver seat, Esme in the passenger seat, and Rosalie and Jasper were in the back. Renesmee was driving the car down the street, intent of heading to the beach, when Rosalie reached around and tried to take control of the wheel and steer them to the mall. Esme tried to pry Rosalie's hands off the wheel, and the car started to swerve with all the directions it was being pulled in.

Nobody saw the elderly woman crossing the street in her wheel chair until they heard a crack and a scream. Esme let go of the steering wheel and realized in horror that they just ran over someone. Rosalie even took her hands off the wheel like she'd been shocked, and Renesmee and Jasper just froze in their seats. A police officer was parked right across the street and immediately zoomed over to the scene. An ambulance was called for the woman, and Jasper, Esme, Rosalie, and Renesmee were all taken into custody for theft and hitting someone with a car while driving while distracted.

Esme was sure of one thing as she got into the police car: She was NEVER playing truth or dare again.

* * *

Carlisle had just finished a quick emergency surgery, when a woman who was just hit by a car was brought in by a different doctor. He thought it was tragic of course, but the woman would be fine, so he thought nothing of it until one of the nurses spoke up.

"Yeah, four people in a car hit her. They were swerving all over the road, and catch this; the car was stolen! The girl driving got the most charges, Renesmee something. Isn't that sad? What a bunch of idiots."

Carlisle stopped in his tracks. Renesmee? As in his granddaughter Renesmee? Oh no, now he had to get her and who knew else from his family out of jail. It wouldn't be easy this time, but he would make it work. He always did.

But damn that game Truth or Dare.

Carlisle knew that the game had something to do with this.

* * *

**Hope you liked it!**

**I'm always looking for constructive criticism, so if you think there's anything I can do to improve this fic then please let me know!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**~CaramelApple74~**


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